Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Me. At least after what I've been through.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
