so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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