Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
