FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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