Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
