Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
