Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
