Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
