I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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