Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
