It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
