Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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