If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
