so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
