OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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