just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
