I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
