GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
