Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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