i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
