I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
