He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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