My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
