mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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