those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
