i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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