White coat. Heels.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
