Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
