Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
