If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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