you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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