i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
