Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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