Im at strip club and am horny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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