i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
