Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
