you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
