So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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