then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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