Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
