you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
two words...techno handjob
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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