So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
