He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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