honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
