I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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