Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
