great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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