JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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