We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
