Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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