At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my vagina is haunted
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
