She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
