I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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