I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
