Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
