I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
