Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
