She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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