Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
