found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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