One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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