On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
