I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
