do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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