Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
