Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Come see our sink grown plant.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
