I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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