i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
