I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
