My first STD was from a foam party
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
