I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am available for nakedness
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
